Comments on: Dragon Wars: Land of Myth Chapter One Part One

By: Webfiction Wednesday #40 | Ergofiction

Webfiction Wednesday #40 | Ergofiction — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 13:11:52 +0000

[...] Dragon Wars [...]

By: admin

admin — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 11:00:42 +0000

The fourth is Daniel, who isn’t in the room at the start, but is mentioned. You’ll meet him later.

By: Amber

Amber — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 04:52:17 +0000

I thought that your first chapter was well written for sure and I like the start, jumping right right in can often confuse people. What I am curious about is the allusion that these four (and by the way I only caught three names: Lydia, Karen, and Andrew, but that just could have been me) having been in strange situations. About them ‘attracting this sort of thing’. Is this ‘sort of thing’ normal for them??

By: Becka

Becka — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 22:54:58 +0000

Thank you the comment. I think maybe I need to create some side stories set before the story opens.

By: Matt

Matt — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 22:52:38 +0000

I think the packing start was fine. It provides some oppurtunity to highlight the differences in each quadruplets personality. I agree, however, that some explaining of Andrew’s comment would be beneficial.

By: A. M. Harte

A. M. Harte — Sat, 10 Apr 2010 17:21:16 +0000

The beginning is intriguing, although I really think the initial scene of them picking clothes and packing is unnecessary and kind of makes the start drag. If you jumped right to the opening-the-door-and-finding-weirdness that might have worked as a stronger hook.

I also think the scene could benefit from a bit of dragging out of the tension, and a bit more reaction from the three — they seem pretty calm about it all which is odd! Plus a longer scene means you could have explained Andrew’s “that’s weird, even for us” comment which would help the reader understand why the three are used to such an odd event.

By: Becka

Becka — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 21:05:34 +0000

Thanks. I just hope what follows remains excellent.

By: Miladysa

Miladysa — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 20:44:58 +0000

An excellent start!

By: uberVU - social comments

uberVU - social comments — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 20:30:38 +0000

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By: Twitted by Zoe_E_W

Twitted by Zoe_E_W — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 20:28:38 +0000

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